I'm turning 34 today. Amazing. That number sounds so mature to me. So middle age. So different than I feel. Isn't that funny? I don't really feel middle aged. Except when I've been playing on the floor for a couple of hours with Derick.....then, my knees will tell me my age. I always dreamed about being a mother when I was a young girl. Wondered how it would feel, what I would do, who I would be a parent with. Being here is way different than I imagined.....better in many ways, harder than I dreamed. I try to remember what it felt like to be a child......when all I thought about was my friends, playing with my sister, camping trips with my parents, which boy was cuter and would he notice me......the carefree times that seem so simple now.
Now, I have a son of my own. My thoughts are more about how to raise him to be a good person, help him manage his emotions, help him learn to share with others, help him learn to respect others and mother earth, and sometimes, just how to get through the day without a meltdown from either of us! I think about how to keep the connection alive with my lover, how to support him and his dreams, and how to be a good wife. I think about how to keep our cash flow in the black, and how to keep our dinners interesting, and how to get the laundry done with a 1 year old running around. I think about how to keep myself grounded, real, and in some sort of good shape. I think about my friends, old and new and how to find time for myself when it seems there isn't any.
It's a full plate and sometimes, it feels like too much!! But, when I stop and do all this thinking, I realize this is exactly how I want it. My life is busy, full of good people, brimming with love, and moving at a lively pace. Perfect for a 34 year old woman!