Every time I try to change our night time routine.....it goes badly. Tonight, I knew he was tired. We nursed as usual. We rocked more than usual. He's been hard to put down since our camping trip. I was hot, tired, and ready for some of my own time. So, just as his lids drifted down, I decided to put him in the crib. (I usually wait until he's almost asleep) As soon as I did, he was awake and crying for me. Screaming, really. I tried to do that thing they tell you to.....Say good night, leave, come back and reassure him (but don't pick him up!), and leave again. More screaming, stomping feet, lots of tears......breaking my heart. 45 mins later and I give in. I just know all he wants is some love....rocking, back rubs, and a gentle voice.....he's asleep in 5 mins. And, I failed again. Every time I try to do what the books tell you.....put them down before they are asleep......this is the story. He screams, I break. Makes me feel like a crappy mommy. But, I feel worse listening to my child scream for me. I know he won't be 40 and needing to be rocked to sleep.....right? After he's calm, I watch him rest in my arms. So beautiful, that face. He's a dream come true for me. And I feel the weight of responsibility in that moment. To raise him right. To do what's right. And I'm scared. Cuz I can't even get him to bed they way they say is right. I can feel the disapproval from dh. I know he wants me to be stronger. I tried, really I did. But mommy has a weakness. Her baby's tears.