This week has been one of the most challenging weeks in my short life as a parent. I know it's just the beginning of Derick's need to stretch out and find his boundaries, thank goodness we don't go from infant to adolescence in a year. Baby steps, please.

After many weeks of great bedtimes; Daddy stepping in more often, Derick going to sleep on his own, no nursing; we are taking a few steps backwards. All of a sudden, he won't go to bed. Just doesn't want to. Screams for us, wants milk, wants water, claims he's poopy, wants a bite......anything to get our attention. It's maddening! What happened to my little boy? All at once, 8pm hits and it's now the raging lunatic!?! That kind of crying is not fair for mommies.....did you know it tears our hearts every time we hear it? Nothing I can do to change that, no matter what. There is no rational reasoning to fix that little bit of my heart that tears when I hear him cry this way. I tried every other way I know to get him down...won't work, short of me sleeping with him in the chair. I love my son, but I am not willing to sleep in a chair every night with him!

So, the battle of the wills has begun. Round one was last night......The score: Mommy 1, Derick 1. I let him cry it out for 45 mins last night....didn't go in. Mommy wins. But this morning, he woke at 4:45am. I went in. Couldn't get him back to bed....he cried for an hour. I finally gave up and we stayed up for the day. Derick wins. Tonight, I will be stronger. I will prevail. I have to. But that doesn't mean it'll be tear free for either of us.