Have you ever carried a child inside your womb? It's an experience like no other I have ever known. Mostly positive. But as we approach the end of this part of our journey together, I am starting to struggle. Peanut is 34 weeks now, and putting on the weight that will help her survive on the outside. (And I am putting on weight too!!) I am so much more tired now. Sleep is elusive; I toss and turn much of the night either trying to get comfortable or trying to revive a leg or arm that has fallen asleep. And if I have to get up to use the bathroom, my mind wakes enough to keep me up, solving all the problems of the world (ok, well my world anyway). Derick and I are clashing now, more than we ever have before. I think it's mostly me.....I take all his negative behaviour very personally. It's not like he means to hurt me, he's just two and a half. I just take it that way. I'm trying my best to get us out of the house and enjoy this fall weather. It's one of my favorite times of the year. But each outing wears me out so quickly now. Many times a day, I feel the tears well up in my eyes, for no real reason.......just because. Darn those hormones! It's kinda embarrassing, even for me!
Recently, I was trying to explain to Jeremy the kind of connection that mothers have to their unborn children. It was a day that the baby just wasn't moving so much and I was worried. So, I was checking in with her. I do that several times a day. I'll stop what I'm doing or take a moment to sit down and mentally go inside. I'll wait, still and quiet. Sometimes, several minutes go by. It's like I'm blind and deaf, and the only sense I have of my child is the sense of touch. It's amazing how we rely so much on all of our senses to care for our young ones. But with a unborn child, there is only one way to check on them. (without medical assistance) Those fetal movements are the line of communication between us. And as soon as I get a twitch, roll, or kick, I breathe again. My baby lives.
Here's some recent photos of this pretty October. 
Derick at the pumpkin patch
Mums in my yardDerick and I on a tractor ride
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4 comments:
There really is no experience like carrying a child. It's such a beautiful thing.
The last month really got rough for me, physically and emotionally. I know what you are feeling and it's so normal. If you ever need anything, please give a call. I am here friend!
xoxo
We are lucky to have such caring husbands who want to know. But there are just no words. Let me know if you need anything - anytime.
Wishing you peaceful nights.
Hugs
Take it easy! Only a few more weeks to go. You can't stop your emotions during or after pregnancy! I never cried so much in my life.. it's just now going away! :)
Miss you!
Two and a half years later and my hormones are STILL going strong...sheesh I cry just looking at a box of tissues. I can't believe you only have a few more weeks!! How time flys! Beautiful writing as always!
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