Coerced into being a Night Owl?

So, things have been a roller coaster ride for me the last few weeks. Darla has settled into some sort of a routine, although, I wouldn't say I like it. She has decided that her time to be awake and alert is between 9pm and 1am. Yeah, I said 1am. And, of course, she's not cute and smiley the whole time, either. This is such a HARD time of the day for me. I am a sleeper. I LOVE to sleep. I always have....my mom said I would practically put myself to bed when I was a kid. I love my bed, and I love to be in it at night. So, sitting up with a fussy baby while the rest of the house is quiet and peaceful, is really hard for me. I try everything to get her to relax....bouncing, rocking, walking, singing (although I'm not sure she really likes this much-I'm not that good). I realized that all the fussing at night was keeping Derick up and his cranky-ness level was getting worse and worse. So, now Darla and I spend our nights in the basement. I would rather that, than have a sleep deprived child. There's only room for one sleep deprived person around here! I do my best to get a nap everyday, to help me get through this late night fuss fest. During the nights that I don't have that extra sleep, it's alot of tears and angry feelings from me and some from Darla too. I know I shouldn't feel resentment towards Darla, but it's hard not to in the dead of night. I know all this will change, as most everything does about newborns. I am trying to remain as positive as I can. It's tough though, way tougher than I thought it would be. And, when I'm having a tough day, the whole family feels it. I start resenting all my loved ones, and that doesn't feel so great. Depression is a strange beast (yup, I used the D word) and something I never thought I'd have to deal with. I have had lots of wonderful offers to help-I am so blessed with such wonderful friends and family. And, I'm going to do my best to ask. (I'm not so good at this, either). Sometimes, all I really need is someone to listen or someone to just sit with me. An extra set of hands to hold Darla. She still struggles with her acid reflux and doesn't like to be put down. This can be quite draining for me, esp when I can't interact with Derick when I need to. Ok, I just re-read this and it's quite whiny. Let me try to balance that out a bit.

Some positive things:

-I have figured out breastfeeding with Darla. She just doesn't empty me the way Derick did. So, I pump. If I don't, I'll get an infection. Simple as that. Her latch isn't nearly as good as Derick's either, and when she's not really hungry, it's terrible! She can go three to four hours without milk, no problem. I think she inherited my metabolism, poor thing, it's really SLOW.

-I can now wear my new Ergo baby carrier. I had to watch the instructional DVD again, but I got it figured out for hands free baby wearing. I am looking forward to the time when Darla is big enough to put her in it without the infant insert.

-I LOVE my new stroller and enjoy walks outside even in the cold. If anyone wants to come with me, please call me!

-I have bigger boobs!! I got fitted this weekend for some new nursing bras and my cup size has gone up! Yay for Jeremy. Now I just need to loose the baby belly and va, va, voom!

-Darla smiles! She is getting cuter and cuter now. And I finally feel like I am starting to bond with her. It's taken some time, but I know we will have some fun mommy and daughter moments to come.

-Since I'm downstairs in the middle of the night, I am excited about some new TV shows I'll be watching. Let me know your favorite, and I'll add it to my TIVO list.

Here's some recent pics of bath time with Derick and Darla together. It was a sweet moment and the first bath that Darla took without a lot of tears.

Happy New Year!!