Darla has discovered books!

Up until now, books have been like most other toys, something to chew on. But in the last week, Ms Darla has discovered the story inside. She loves to turn the pages and will point to the pictures, waiting for us to respond in some way. Currently, her favorites seem to be farm books. Anything with animals keeps her interest. She likes to hear the sounds we make when she points to an animal on the page. Some days, she can be quite obsessive about them. There are only so many times mommy can go through, "The Big Red Barn" before tiring of it. But, I do my best to appease her because I want her desire to read to continue to grow. Bring on the books!

Field Trip to Kelsey Creek Farm

Last Thursday, we went with Derick on his first field trip with his preschool, Pied Piper. The class got to visit Kelsey Creek Farm, in Bellevue. It was a beautiful day and Daddy took the day off from work to join us. It was nice to have all of us together for the fun. Derick was surprisingly a little shy and cautious on the trip. He was too scared to pet the pony and rooster, but got into helping Farmer Jayne make clean beds for the animals in the barn. Leave it to my kid to enjoy the tools! We had fun exploring a little after the program and found a pile of leaves to play in. Derick got to pick out his own pumpkin to bring home. He's quite proud and ready to carve it tomorrow night with the family.




Our friend, Clarissa, was taking our family photo after the farm visit. Derick was not in the mood for any more photos, but Darla was showing her emerging fun personality. Check out this sequence of photos and the HUGE grin on her adorable face!

Lighthouse

I am a lighthouse. Strong, sturdy, standing the tests of wind and sea. I stand as a beacon, a welcome sight for travelers. Warm shelter awaits my shores. I also stand as a warning, danger lurks in the waters nearby. Rocks, surf, and sand.

Today I weather the storms with calmness. I am a pillar of strength and might. But, there have been recent storms that are taking their toll. Chipping away at the weak spots in my tower. Finding those loose stones and casting them away from me. I can feel the slow eking of my energy through the cracks.

It is time for some repairs. Patch jobs will not hold the coming onslaught. The winter will be a long, slow climb from shabby run-down to beauty, strength, and light. I am built to last.

Camping in the Olympic National Park

Jeremy and I LOVE the fall. It's one of our favorite seasons. And after getting married, we decided to go on an annual camping trip around the Columbus Day holiday. In years past, we've explored the Oregon Coast and Sandlake/Honeyman ATV parks; Long beach and Cape Disappointment; and Lake Quinault & Kalaloch.

This year, we decided to go to Sequim and Port Angeles. We camped in the Olympic National Park; at the base of the road to Hurricane Ridge. The camp ground was called Heart O' the Hills, and it was aptly named. We drove about 5 miles up into the hills from the Visitors Center to get there. It was BEAUTIFUL!! The fall colors along the road were glowing with pretty sunlight. The mossy trees were full of green. The campsites were a little smaller than we are used to in the State parks. But, we were able to find one that was close to the bathrooms and had plenty of room for us. Behind our campsite was a glorious natural playground. There were lots of downed trees and old growth forest for us to explore. It was perfect.

We spent 3 nights and 4 days in the area, cutting our trip short by just one night. We visited Hurricane Ridge, Sol Duc Hot springs, and the Dungeness/Sequim area. We cooked great meals, roasted marshmallows, and cuddled up under the covers at night. The only big blemish on the weekend was Jeremy's lumberjack accident. He was trying to split a branch from a fallen tree, when it snapped and sprang back up into his face. It hit him just above his eye, scraping and cutting the skin open. It also hit his nose and gave him a black eye. It was a scary moment for us, as we assessed the damage. The good news: his eye is fine and the rest of it will heal. No stitches needed. It was a good lesson for the whole family about safety.

I knew going out there, that it would be cold, especially at night. So, I packed lots of warm clothes and blankets for the family. However, it turned out to be A LOT colder than we expected. Clear nights in the mountain hills makes for some COLD sleeping experiences. Jeremy and I could handle it, but keeping the kids warm and happy proved to be more challenging. Derick was most affected, and was more verbal about it than Darla. After two freezing nights, and lots of whining, we stopped at a sporting goods store and purchased a portable heater. It took the brittle chill out of the air, which helped.

Overall, it was a fun trip. We got to see some amazing scenery. The views from Hurricane Ridge reminded us of Paradise on Mount Rainier. Beautiful. The Sol Duc hot springs was interesting, and it gave us a chance to shower and clean up-mid trip. We didn't spend alot of time at Dungeness, but decided we'd come back another time to explore it when our children were better hikers. Derick enjoyed our visit to the Olympic Game Farm alot. He kept asking to see more animals.




We look forward to making more camping memories and hopefully teaching our children about the beautiful area we get to call our home.

The new, old me

Today I had my second counseling appointment. What an amazing experience. It's so helpful to me, to sit with someone who knows nothing of who I am, and share. I had two big AH HA! moments today. I am gaining insights into what may have contributed to my depression. Over the last week, I've been noticing myself coming alive again. It's almost like an awaking. It's like the depression was this thick fog, and I was lost in it. Now, I have energy to do things that I want; like gardening and swimming. I'm wanting to connect with my husband and my friends again, and I'm thinking about old loves like massage, energy work, and using oils in my everyday life. After marriage and kids, I've changed. Yet, the heart that beats within, is still me. I have to learn how to enjoy my interests and be a mom and wife. So, it's about balance, and finding the right balance for me and my family. I'm excited. Giddy almost. It's a little like going on a first date with myself. What will I learn next?

Back in the Garden Again

It feels like it's been ages since I have spent any time working in my garden. It probably has been.....the garden sure looks a bit untended. Recently, I have been getting my hands dirty again. It feels good. I've been stealing moments when children are resting; to dig up the weeds, trim back the overgrown, and dead head what few blooms are surviving. This summer's heat and lack of attention from me, took it's toll on my pretties. It saddens me to know that my post partum depression even affected my yard. But, I'm back and so is my love for the great green earth and the plants that grow in it.





There are some very pretty fall bloomers in my yard, so I went today to capture them with the camera. While outside, I was treated to an encounter with a young Hummer at the feeder. Those are the moments that lift my spirits and help me stay grounded and centered.



He kept getting startled by my flash.....but I guess he was hungry enough to stay close and keep coming back to feed.



I have noticed that my yard has changed since I started working in it 6 years ago. There are some new shady spots as the trees have climbed up towards the sky. Areas that used to produce happy sun-lovers are looking so sad and weak. The soil needs more mulch, especially in sun beat areas. Time for some new plans and new plants! I can't wait for the next chance to spruce up my yard and reconnect with one of my favorite past times; gardening!

J&J Celebrate Six Years of Marriage

Six years ago, today, Jeremy and I joined our lives together in marriage. It was a beautiful day, one that we both look back on with alot of fondness and good memories. Last night, we had a fun and nostalgic date night. We took the motorcycle and rode out to Lake Wilderness Lodge in Maple Valley. We both wanted to go put our eyes up against the glass and stand on the same spot we said our vows. However, to our surprise, there was a wedding going on! It was fun to see the set up and remember how it was for us. We watched from afar and enjoyed the lake views from the park, instead. Then, we headed back to Renton and had dinner at Billy McCales, honoring our first date location.

Our journey together has been full of good times and tough times. I'm looking forward to more fun and growth in the future. I am so glad to be standing on this path with you, Jeremy. You are my true love, my best friend, my partner for this lifetime. Blessings abound!

Derick's first day of Preschool

Today was Derick's first day of preschool. At almost 3 and a half, he's more than ready for this experience. Today proved it to me. The day started out slow. After our shower, he got dressed. I tried to influence his clothing choices, but like most 3 year olds, he knew what he wanted to wear. I decided as long as it was appropriate for the day, I was going to let him choose. Red sweats and a blue/white/pink striped polo with brown shoes was his ensemble. Good LORD! He was a little nervous and didn't want to put on his shoes. He kept telling me he wanted to stay home and play today. I encouraged him to go...reminded him about the camping theme and the tent that would be in the room today. He was still resisting until I reminded him that his buddy Savanah would be there too. That did it! We were off to school. As we arrived, I felt compelled to explain to other parents that he'd dressed himself today. Sigh. We waited in the hallway and met other kids and parents. Just as I suspected, when the door opened, he marched right in and didn't look back for me once. Today's class was only one hour, so most of the parents hung out in the room next door and got to know each other. It was a nice morning for Darla too.....there were toys to explore other siblings to meet.

At the end of the hour, the kids came out with their hand stamps; a symbol that they had followed directions and had good behavior at school. He proudly showed me the stamp as we headed out to the car. I'm excited for what's to come.....time for him to learn from someone other than his parents.....time for me to spend with Darla....and new friends to be made for both of us.

Darla Turns 10 Months

Our little girl is on the move! In the last few weeks, she has fully developed her crawling skills and is getting faster and faster each day. She pulls up on anything she can get a grip on and has just recently started crawling up the stairs. Needless to say, I am amazed at how quickly she went from just sitting to being on the move. 0 to 60 in just a few weeks! She enjoys crawling after big brother and thinks his toys are way more interesting than hers. She loves music and will "bee bop" in an up and down motion when she hears a good tune. Her laugh is adorable and Derick gets to hear it the most of all.

Another tooth has joined the first one, so she now has a total of two. They peak at you from her bottom gum line and have changed her look from baby face to almost toddler. She has already started to outgrow being spoon fed, and wants to have finger foods just like us. So, I've started giving her cooked pasta, carrots, puffs, and cheese. We've tried watermelon, red peppers, and grapes too. She's a good sport and will try it all a few times. I still can sneak in a few spoonfuls of baby food, when she's busy with her finger foods.

She's still not a long sleeper at night, but it's getting better. I'm getting more 4 hour blocks instead of 1 and 2. That helps me feel more human during the day. We have let her cry it out a few times, although that is still hard for me to let her do. I just struggle with the thought that she's keeping Derick awake and I dread the long day with a cranky toddler.

JP and I are in the process of moving our computer room, once again. Because Darla doesn't sleep well, we have decided let her have her own room instead of sharing with Derick. The plan was to have them share for a few years and then move her out. Our "office" will now be located in the basement along with the TV and laundry. Jeremy is not excited about this move, but he misses being able to check his email in the evening after the kids have gone to bed. I do too! It's going to squeeze every last drop of space out of that room; it's going to be tight. And at the same time, we are trying to feel thankful that we have this option. I am looking forward to having a space all for Darla.

Turning a Corner

It's been almost three weeks since I went to see my doctor about my Post Partum Depression. The angry Lioness that was living unfettered inside me, is caged. Finally, I am feeling more like myself! One of the most telling moments was not long after my appointment. The whole family was taking Darla to her 9 month check up. As we were walking down the hallway, I tripped over Derick and the three of us fell to the floor. Everyone was fine and we headed to the exam room. But I was a little flustered. Once there, we got settled and I looked over at hubby and smiled at him. He got teary eyed. I had to ask why. He said in his soft voice, "Nothing. It's just, you haven't smiled at me like that in a long time. You're back." Suddenly, we were both a bit teary. It took another week to really start feeling like myself again, but that was the beginning of the changes.

I still feel a little weird about taking the medication. Sometimes I wonder if I really need it. But then I remember how different I feel now compared to just a month ago, and I am grateful. I just finished reading Brooke Shield's book called, "Down Came the Rain." It was a good message about how common and how varied this condition is. Each woman I speak to that has experienced PPD, has a different story to tell. And, so many of them tell me they all waited too long to seek help.

Up until now, I've been doing my best to just enjoy the good feelings. But, I know I have more learning/healing to do. I can feel the rage, it's still there. But the meds are helping me keep it from exploding. It's now time to take it to the next level. I am going to make my first appointment for some counseling. Other steps in my plan are to look into yoga classes and to start swimming laps again.

I'm ready to have my confidence back. I'm ready to feel like a good mother and wife again. I'm ready to be able to fully participate in my life again!

A case of the angries

Today, was a big day for me. Today was the day I asked for help. I went to see my doctor about my case of the angries. All my life, I have been a fairly happy person. Bubbly even. After my first child was born, I had some blue days. Days when I felt sad for no reason, or just melancholy. But, I got out of the house, had a bath, or had some alone time. It got better. Now, baby number 2 is here. She's been here for 9 months. I'm faced again with the blues. But this time, it's not getting fixed. And, the blues have come with a partner. Anger. Rage at times. I didn't know I could feel this angry. This out of control. My voice gets raised too often. I yell too much. I swat. This breaks my heart. I want to be able to teach my children how to control their emotions. How can I do this if I can't control my own? Things like, "Failure" and "bad mommy" or "all my fault" float across my heart. My mind rejects them, but they persist. I am embarrassed. I have so many things to be happy about. To be thankful for. A wonderful, supportive partner. A loving family. A network of good friends to share with. My physical health. Then, why, WHY can't I do this? Why can't I stay calm and rational. Who is this monster that has come to possess me? After the rage comes shame. I feel terrible. Then the blues set in. I used to think it was just lack of sleep. I kept telling myself, "It'll get better when she gets older." "Once I get better sleep, I'll be happier." I didn't want to admit I needed help. I didn't want to admit how bad it was inside. And then, one night, I hit the wall in anger. There was so much energy in my body, that it left a hole in the wall where my hand connected. I was shocked. It was my sign to get help.

So, today I went. I asked for help. I told my doctor how I felt. And she listened. She was supportive. She thanked me for coming. And she started me on a plan. A plan to help me feel like myself again. I have action items. I have medication. I have books to read.

Help is on the way. If you are like me, if you have these feelings. Don't wait. Please, don't wait as long as I did to get help.

Summer Camp

Another first for our 3 year old; Summer Camp! Derick will be starting pre-school this fall. (Ack! My little man is growing up.) So, to see how this will feel and to give him something fun to do this summer, we signed him up for a week of camp. It was run by the City of Renton's rec program and was housed at the North Highlands Center. He went for five days, from 9am to noon. The night before the first day of camp, I have to admit, I was a little nervous. I have left him before with "strangers" (aka...play centers in Fred Meyer and IKEA) but this felt different somehow. After dinner I talked to him about how the day would go, what he might be doing, and the behaviour we expected from him. I reminded him that his buddy, Savanah would be there and that they could play together all morning. All the while, I was wondering about how he (and I) would do, having seperate mornings. Would he be safe? Would he behave? Will he enjoy the activites?

The first morning, we checked in the kids and surprise, I got a little teary eyed watching him run into the room and start checking out the play stations. Hello-My boy is so grown up! We met the teacher, Ms. Sherill. She was warm and welcoming. She re-assured us all would be well. And it was! Derick had a fantastic week. He did art and crafts, played with toys, learned about animals, and learned new songs. It was fun to hear him tell me about experiences that I hadn't shared with him. When you are a stay at home mom, this is a rare occurance.

I am looking forward to the fall, when he will start Pre-School. He's ready for some new experiences and I am ready to hear about the world from his eyes, too.

HEAT!

For the past week, the PNW has been in a serious heat wave. We are talking 90's every day, and SeaTac airport even hit 103 on Wednesday! That is HOT for Seattlites. We like our luke warm summers-70's and a breeze-will do me just fine, thank you. But I have to say, it was interesting. I noticed that life slowed WAY down. Getting the simplest things done felt like so much more effort was needed. I let alot of the usual chores slide. It was sort of like a tragedy; it brings people together with a common theme. Everyone was talking about how to stay cool. On the radio, TV, and at the coffee shops-The HEAT was the topic. A/C units and fans couldn't be bought.....every store was sold out. I, myself, purchased the last two box fans at Target in Renton on Monday morning. Literally.

Darla cooling off with a wet wash cloth.

Our house does not have A/C, which is pretty common in this part of the country. And, having a tri-level home makes that third floor pretty hot for sleeping. When Jeremy and I purchased this house, we inherited an old A/C unit that we found in the garage, under the stairs. It only runs on 220 volt power, and the only 220 plug we have in the house is in our basement (for the dryer). So, Jeremy drug out the beast, set it up outside our basement window, and plugged it in. Ahhhhh, now our basement was truly the coolest place in our home. I have never been so thankful for that old clunker! We camped out there all week long....Darla slept in her pack-n-play, Derick on the couch, and JP and I on an air mattress on the floor.

Derick splashing in the pool.

I planned meals I could cook on the BBQ, and we stocked up on water. The kiddie pool out back was our savior. Being wet in 90 degree heat is WAY better than being dry. My children LOVED spending every afternoon splashing around in the pool. (And, I did too!) On Wednesday, the heat was so intense that we actually set up our dinner table in the basement.

It was a tough night...no naps for the kids makes for a grumpy and tired family. But, we survived. I did get one big chore done, though. I shampooed the carpets. Since Darla is scooting around now, it was time to deep clean. And what better time to get the indoors wet, then in 90 degree heat? I know, it was kinda crazy, and hard work. But my carpets do look much better!

Sunset after a scorching hot day.

This morning, we woke to overcast skies and our indoor thermostat read 76. It was the first time the house had been below 80 in DAYS. What a relief! The forecast is for mid 80s for the weekend and into next week. That sounds perfect for me. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed tonight!!

Summer HEAT!

It definitely feels like summer in Renton! And the forecasters are telling us it's going to get hotter this week. OH BOY! This girl isn't a big fan of the 90's. We don't have AC and the heat makes sleeping tough. It also makes for some extra grumpy people. I'm trying to stay positive, and one good thing is we are enjoying our back yard pool alot this year! Here's a few pics of the fun we've been having outside.

Renton River Days was this weekend. I decided not to walk in the parade this year. It was nice to just enjoy the crowd and my family instead of participating with RMG. I think we'll do it next year when little D is walking well and can enjoy it too.

Here's to staying cool; don't forget to drink those fluids!

Back Yard Antics

If you know me, then you know I LOVE humming birds. When JP and I first moved into our home (almost 6 years ago, now) we would sit on our back deck and watch the birds come and go. We bought bird books. We fed them. We made a space for them to bathe. The trees and shrubs in the yard are great places for birds to perch, feed, and live. However, over the years, the hummers that have started to frequent our yard bring me the most joy to watch. It started with the discovery of the Male Rufus hummingbird. They make the BEST noise when they zip in and out of the yard. We named the males, "Mr. Zippy." I think it might be the same bird that comes back each year. They are the toughest, and the most aggressive hummers in our area. I love to watch their dive displays and "dog fights" with other birds. Male Rufus hummers come in early spring (March) and only stay until early summer(June). The females come later and stay later. (we just saw a female in the yard yesterday) Then, the rest of the summer we are visited by Anna's Hummingbirds. They actually stay all year long.

As I've been sitting here typing on the back patio, we have watched a male Anna's hummer defend the feeder. The two birds swoop and swish around us. The warning clicking makes JP and I look up from our laptops to watch the show. It warms my heart and lifts my soul to watch such speed and movement from something so little. They are flying jewels, beauty in motion, and a sweet kind of magic to me.

Reunited and it feels so good!

Ahhhh, JP is HOME from his week long visit to Spokane for work. I have to be honest here, things between dear hubby and I haven't been the sweetest since children came into our lives. While we do work at it, our relationship definitely takes the hits. But, when your loved one goes away for a while, it hits home how important we are to each other. Both JP and I have been struggling separately, instead of working together. But, after a very honest discussion, we both realized that this is one of those couple moments. The kind of moments that make your relationship stronger and more grounded. Or you can ignore the issues and let the chasm between us, get bigger. Neither of us wants that to happen. So, it takes understanding, commitment, conversation, and action to make a few adjustments. To let the US take more of an important role in our daily lives.

The man I married is a compassionate man, who loves his family with his whole heart. He's a thinker, planner, and a strategist. He's cute, smart, goofy, and spiritual. And, I love him so very, very much!