Empty hole or soul?

The last few days have been pretty rough for me. I've been on an emotional roller coaster ever since....well....I can't even remember the near past when I wasn't. Today, I'm really feeling down. Lonely. Just not myself. I just had a conversation with a friend and after we parted, I replayed it in my head. I sounded needy and insecure. UGH. I don't like to be that way. It pushes people away instead of creating comfort and closeness. I don't like that side of me, at all.

I watched a TV program last night called Super Nanny. And the mom on the show was really frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed by her kids. It looked so familiar to me. While my kids don't hit or scream quite like hers, I recognized her emotions. One of the things that Super Nanny worked with her on, was having her own thing. Besides just being a stay at home mom. What did SHE want? It made me think....could this be my problem too? Am I not fulfilled enough by just being a stay at home mom?

I know I've felt this way before...and the way I fixed it was to get more involved with a mom's group. And, lately, that mom's group has been going through lots of changes. Kids are in school now, and it's been much harder to get together for play dates. Everyone seems busy. I've been feeling out of touch and at a distance from alot of the moms I used to see every week. So, I know that's part of this mood.

But is there something more? From the outside, it looks like I have everything I could ever want! A home, a loving husband, and two wonderful kids. How COULD I ask for more? And yet, being a wife and mother only defines me partly. The thing is, I don't really have a job I want to go back to. There isn't this other life waiting for my return. I have some passions...like birds, gardening, scrap booking and massage. I've been learning to like walking/running long distance. Somehow, this doesn't feel like enough. Not today, anyway. Why can't I just be content? Where is the hole that clearly exists?